My Favorite Perimenopausal Quotes and Humor (part 1)
“Can you imagine if this happened to men? In perimenopause, our hormones are changing as rapidly as they were when we were in middle school. If men experienced that, scientists would be like,
‘To the Galapagos we go! Find every endangered plant and animal and use them to make it in [to] man medicine!'
And meanwhile, women are over here with a swarm of bees in our uterus and our skin falling off. And everyone's like, ‘You're fine.’ "
-Laura Benanti
11 Accurate Quotes for Perimenopausal Women
(and anyone with a sense of humor)
During the tumultuous time of perimenopause, finding someone who truly understands is invaluable. As a 40-year-old, I was clueless about peri, making me an unreliable support system for my older friends. But these quotes, filled with humor, inspiration, and information, reminded me and hopefully will remind you that you’re not alone in this journey.
“So I call it ‘the menopause appetizer that nobody tells you about’, It's ‘the amuse-bouche to an old cooch.’”
-Laura Benanti
“I'm what is known as perimenopausal. "Peri", some of you may know, is a Latin prefix meaning 'SHUT YOUR FLIPPIN' PIE HOLE".”
-Celia Rivenbark
“A group of perimenopausal women should be known as a flush,’ says Meg, making us all smile.”
-Jo Thomas
“It was a total mystery to me [perimenopause] because in all the years of being a functioning woman, it was never explained to me once"
-Laura Benanti
“She said, ‘I do what the fuck I want.’ That’s it."
-Glennon Doyle
“[As in puberty,] There will be tears. And anger. And tragically unfortunate haircuts.”
-Heather Corinna
“Can you imagine if this happened to men? In perimenopause, our hormones are changing as rapidly as they were when we were in middle school. If men experienced that, scientists would be like, ‘To the Galapagos we go! Find every endangered plant and animal and use them to make it in [to] man medicine!' And meanwhile, women are over here with a swarm of bees in our uterus and our skin falling off. And everyone's like, 'You're fine.' "
-Laura Benanti
“Pre-forty, you can wash your face with Tide and use Vaseline for moisturizer, toss on a little mascara and lip gloss, and you're a friggin' cover girl. Those of us on the slippery slope that is the Other Side of Forty can testify-- those days are so over. You pore over labels promising everything short of actual rebirth-- you will buy most of them for an average of $450 per quarter once-- and none of them will work. You will still be getting older and poorer with every passing purchase.”
-Jill Conner Browne
“A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don’t want to go through menopause again.”
-Joan Rivers
“I just thought it [perimenopause] was so strange that there was nowhere that I could go to understand if everything I was going through was normal.”
-Gwyneth Paltrow
“Prepare to endure an onslaught of uncomfortable symptoms signalling the waning days of your fertility and the icy chill of sociosexual irrelevance!
-Kira Garcia
Guys, perimenopause can be an extraordinarily lonely time. In the beginning, I withdrew from everything because I genuinely no longer knew who I was. My close female friends were all just babies, still bemoaning their 30s. My mother’s excellent, yet subjectively selective, memory recalls no menopausal symptoms (my excellent memory begs to differ, as I can still hear the conch shell breaking on stone), and my older sister was seemingly lost in her own perimenopausal hell.
Reading a memoir about someone’s unfortunate boob sweat experience filled me with sympathy and JOY! Not schadenfreude but joy that I wasn’t alone, and if she could get through that awful day and confront perimenopause dead on, then so could I.
Which is why these quotes, as depressing and diabolical as some of the ones I will share with you are, make me know that I am part of something bigger than me.
Like it or not, the Peri Tribe has spoken.
You are one of us now.
Tell me more: What ways have you found to cope with perimenopause? Do you share what’s going on with anyone or keep it quiet? Comment below 👇🏽